I cockslap morals
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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