Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
