if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
