You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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