And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
