I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
