Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
