His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
