there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
