we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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