Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
