I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
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