So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize