I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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