I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
