going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
