I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
