he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
