My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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