proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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