I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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