Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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