We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I AM VODKA MAN
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
