I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
