i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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