I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
