The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
