Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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