you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
