Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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