im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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