there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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