I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize