I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
