as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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