the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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