Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize