She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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