That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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