I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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