Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
