Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
