Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize