what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
