i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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