it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
