I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
where are my eyebrows?
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