don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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