When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
