We won't sleep together?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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