i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
