I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize