Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
