so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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