If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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