He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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