do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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