my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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