I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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