I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I believe in your delicious
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
