i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize