it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
