I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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