God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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