I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
farters have to be the big spoon...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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