Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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