My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
