Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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