Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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