I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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