Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
