just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
