My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
