At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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