watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
