On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
