hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Who died my cat blue again?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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