So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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