just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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