Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
