im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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