sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Randomize
