It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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