this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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