When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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