i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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