They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
