the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize