that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
