mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
