Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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