this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
