1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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