I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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