so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize