Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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