So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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