i just made my gag reflex go away.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
