Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
